Colin is a member of our Mobilise community. He has been caring for his wife, Susan since she was diagnosed with dementia three years ago.
Although adjusting to this new dynamic has been challenging at times, the couple have found new ways to reconnect - such as through gardening projects and hobbies that keep Susan active. Working together in the communal garden has helped them to be partners first, and carer and patient second.
On sunny days, Colin and Susan love to sit outside with a cup of coffee and enjoy the colourful green space they’ve built together. These simple moments remind them of their teamwork and bring a sense of satisfaction and happiness to their lives.
Being a new carer was initially daunting
When Susan was diagnosed with dementia in 2021, Colin noticed the signs had been there for a while. Still, adjusting to his new role was difficult. Without support in place, he felt overwhelmed and unprepared.
“After Susan’s diagnosis, I was suddenly plunged into the caring role with no training and very little help. I was handed papers with contacts for a few charities who could give me specific advice on her condition, but I had to figure most of it out on my own.
“In the early days, the biggest challenge with dementia was knowing what to do in different situations. There are lots of mood and personality changes that no one prepares you for.”
Building a positive mindset
Before becoming a full-time carer for Sue, Colin worked as a sales engineer in construction and mining equipment. He reflects on how his job in engineering, which is all about problem-solving, equipped him with the tools to face tough challenges.
“One of the things I was taught right at the beginning of my career is there are no problems, only opportunities. If I look at a problem as being an opportunity, I’m better able to turn it into something positive. Even though I was given that mantra over 40 years ago now, it’s stuck with me, as a sort of philosophy.”
“I have a saying: ‘Keep it simple, stupid,’ and those are words I try to live by. I found that if I related that principle to my caring role, looking at tasks positively, the negatives were less likely to take over.”
This idea of keeping it simple - focusing on the tasks that need to be done - allowed Colin to stay strong for Susan.
Wanting to support her through the difficult aspects of her dementia diagnosis, he funnelled this positive energy into researching tools and activities that could potentially help.
Finding a green-thumbed opportunity
Colin and Susan live in a sunny home with big double doors that open onto a paved patio area overlooking a shared communal garden. While browsing online, Colin had a moment of inspiration that encouraged him to suggest an afternoon project to Susan.
“I saw a post online about the benefits of dementia-friendly gardens, green projects that you can do together, and it stuck with me. Loving the idea, Susan and I decided to create something simple that didn’t require too much effort. We went to the gardening centre, bought some pots and just started planting away.”
Instead of tackling a large project that might feel stressful and overwhelming, Colin decided to start small with a few manageable tasks like planting pots and hanging baskets.
By choosing colourful flowers, they could see positive changes in their outdoor space in just a day - and this motivated them to keep going.
“Currently, we have various pots that Susan and I like to tend to together. We also have a couple of rose plants out back in the bigger communal garden. This year, we added some solar lights to the patio, which means we can sit outside at night when the weather allows.”
Colin says that nurturing and tending to the garden has given the couple a new shared focus outside of Susan’s dementia. It has also allowed them to create a space that has become an important part of their home, and their life together.
“It’s rewarding for both of us. We enjoy going outside for a coffee in the morning and chatting about the flowers around us. We’ve got an umbrella for shade, and we’re lucky to be south-facing, so we get plenty of sunshine when the sun is out!”
Outside of the summer months, gardening has provided them with a year-round project to focus on. Even when it’s cold outside, there are plenty of planting tasks for Colin and Sue to tackle in anticipation of the spring months, when everything blooms once more.
Green therapy for dementia symptoms
The hands-on nature of gardening keeps Susan busy and active. Colin says that this type of ‘green therapy’ has helped to reduce the stress and anxiety that is often associated with dementia. Studies show that activities like gardening may also improve memory in people living with dementia.
“Gardening is a bit like playing music - it helps take you away from your immediate problems. Alongside the dementia garden, we also decided to buy a piano last year. Although Susan isn’t taking lessons anymore, she still enjoys playing.”
“She’s not going to rival Beethoven or Mozart of course, but for her, it’s the enjoyment of just making a bit of a tune. It’s another form of relaxation.”
Inspiring other carers to get their fingers dirty
Seeing the positive effect the garden project had on his relationship, Colin was inspired to share photos of his patio in full bloom on the Mobilise Hub.
“The response from other carers was amazing! People were so supportive and some were even inspired to create a similar garden in their own homes.
“With these posts, it’s comforting to realise you’re not alone. Sharing experiences with others dealing with the same challenges, whether good or bad, is important. Often, friends and family can’t relate, either because they don’t want to or because there’s a psychological barrier in place.
“What I love about Mobilise is that there’s no judgement - just unconditional support from carer to carer.”
Inspired by Colin’s story?
For those of us caring for a partner with dementia, we might want to think about new active hands-on projects that could bring new opportunities for bonding. Or, we could reignite old shared hobbies that hold nostalgic meaning for us.
If we’re struggling to connect with our partner, we have more advice on caring and relationships. And don’t forget, while we give our all to caring, we also need to carve out time for ourselves too. Without allowing ourselves some ‘me time,’ we can’t bring the energy needed to our caring role.
Have you created a dementia-friendly garden like Colin? Or found a different new hobby that helps you and the person you care for? We’d love to hear more or see pictures on the Mobilise Hub. Join today to be part of the conversation.