Stuart is one of the amazing community of carers on the Mobilise Hub. Here he shares how he finds ways to bring purpose to both him and his wife. Reminding them of life outside of caring.
Stuart is a full-time carer for his wife who has fibromyalgia. A degenerative condition that heavily impacts her life, making each day unpredictable for both of them.
“Some days, she wakes up feeling good, and we’re able to do a little more. But most of the time, she needs rest after just 15-20 minutes of activity.”
After making the decision to leave his job as a professional gardener for the council to care for his wife full-time. Stuart took on all of their household duties. Cooking, cleaning, laundry - alongside providing constant care for his wife.
But in the face of the major life change, Stuart has found ways to create meaning and purpose outside of his caring role. Helping them both to stay connected with the world and create new ways to find joy and fulfilment in life.
Volunteering for a break
Stuart and his wife volunteer at a Christian charity bookshop one day a week. This small commitment brings a really valuable opportunity to connect with others and have a change in routine.
“I started at the bookshop after finishing my gardening job. For us, the bookshop is more than just something to do. It’s a place where we can both meet people, talk about things other than caring, and take a mental break.”
For Stuart, this volunteer work gives him a sense of purpose outside of his caring role. But he has also found it has made a real difference to his wife as well.
"It gives me a bit of a rest, and it gets my wife out of the house. It really helps with her mental health."
When asked what he would say to someone considering a volunteer or part-time job alongside their caring role, Stuart was clear.
“It’s important to have something else to focus on. Caring is all-consuming, and having a job or volunteer role can give you a break, even if it’s just a couple of hours a week. It reminds you there’s more to life than just caring, and that can be really powerful.”
Strength through faith
Alongside volunteering, Stuart also makes sure that both him and his wife get out of the house to go to their local church. But for days when her mobility is more of a challenge they have also found ways to turn to their faith from home.
“Going to church gives us something else to focus on, and it gives us the strength to carry on day-to-day. We can talk to God at any time, whether at home, church, or even while shopping. It’s like talking to a best friend, and that’s comforting.”
Their faith also provides a sense of support and companionship. As well as offering a reminder to the challenges others are facing in their lives.
“We can chat with friends at church and take a break from talking about caring all the time. It helps to focus on something bigger than just the challenges we’re facing.”
Finding comfort in animals
It’s not just Stuart and his wife at home. They share their house with two dogs, two cats, and a flock of chickens. While all these furry and feathered friends add to the daily to-do list and responsibilities for Stuart, their pets play an important role in supporting his wife’s mental health. And they offer a great source of easy companionship in both of their lives.
“Pets can calm a person down. You can talk to them, and they won’t answer you back.”
Walking the dogs not only gives Stuart a chance to exercise but also helps him unwind. Getting some fresh air, a welcome change of scene, and a moment with his own thoughts.
“Taking them for a walk calms me down and gets me out of the house. It’s a break from the routine, even if it’s just a short walk around the block.”
Hobbies for “me time”
In addition to caring for his wife and animals, Stuart has rekindled his love for kayaking. He also picked up a new hobby - canoeing.
“I’ve been kayaking since I was a teenager, but now I’ve found a bargain canoe on Facebook Marketplace, and I’m working on fixing it up for next summer.”
While it can be a challenge to find the time, having and nurturing his hobbies are an important part of Stuart's life.
“Having hobbies allows you to have ‘me time’—time to unwind. For me, it’s a way to get out on the local lake, enjoy the fresh air, and get some exercise. It’s important to have that space just for yourself, to recharge.”
When we asked what he would tell other carers about the importance of hobbies, Stuart shared,
“You need something for yourself. It’s not selfish to take time out for a hobby, it helps you be a better carer in the long run. If you don’t, you can burn out quickly.”
Finding balance
Stuart’s story shows the delicate balance of looking after someone while still prioritising ways to stay connected, inspired, and fulfilled. Whether through volunteering, faith, pets, or hobbies, he has found ways to ensure that life isn’t solely about his caring responsibilities. Resulting in a better life for his wife as well.
“You can lose yourself in the role of a carer, but having things outside of that, like volunteering or a hobby, helps you stay grounded. It gives your life meaning beyond just caring for someone else.”
For those of us struggling to juggle looking after someone with finding joy and purpose in our own lives, we might want to think about what brought us a sense of purpose before we started caring. Or if there are new things we want to try.
This blog explores ways to remind ourselves we are so much more than “Just” a carer. Or if we really aren’t able to find the time or support to leave our cared for, we can find inspiration for 30 simple things that can bring us joy. Sometimes they are there already, we just need a little reminder.
While it can feel tricky to fit in amongst the busy days, it’s a vital way of avoiding carer burnout. Having hobbies or a purpose outside of our caring role will leave us feeling more energised and motivated. And ultimately, better able to keep on caring.
To speak to more carers just like Stuart, join our Mobilise Hub today.