When we are looking after someone it is all too easy for the momentum of what they need to overshadow our own needs. Keeping us in a state of alert, and ‘what’s next?’
But there are quick and simple ways that we can focus on our own emotions, environment, and personal goals. While they can feel unnatural if it’s not something we’ve tried before, mindfulness and self-reflection exercises can help shift our mindset and emotions. Putting us back in the driving seats of our own lives. And even better - we can do them any time we need them, from almost anywhere.
Together, let’s explore five activities designed to help us prioritise our needs and adjust our mindset in an achievable way. While juggling the demands of caring for a family member or friend.
Activity 1: 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise
First up, a simple yet powerful mindfulness technique which helps with anxiety and grounding. This practice helps us reconnect with the present. To tune into what’s going on in and around us, to create a moment of calm.
With practice, the steps are easy to remember:
We can do this quick and simple exercise any time we want to feel more grounded. And it is simple to adapt to our own requirements as needed. For example, if we’ve lost our sense of smell or hearing, or are trying to do it from a noisy environment - we can skip some steps and focus more on our other senses. It’s all about what works for us.
Whether we’re sitting in a quiet room, out for a walk, or sitting in the parked car or waiting room. It’s a wonderful way to reconnect with the here and now if our thoughts are spiralling. Or we are aware of feelings of resentment bubbling up.
As we learn to tune into our surroundings, we can also be more intentional about what input we’re giving our senses. And how this can make us feel.
For example, if we enjoy bright colours we could make the choice to put on more colourful clothes on days where we need a boost. Or similarly, if we find comfort in soft textures, a fluffy jumper or cosy blanket can help to ground us.
We can think about what smells energise us, such as flowers, perfume/ aftershave, or just our tea or coffee brewing. And take the time to notice them.
‘Hacking’ our senses is a simple but effective way to help shift our mood and mindset. Or find some grounding if we’re not feeling in control.
Activity 2: Letting go exercise
Focusing on releasing unwanted feelings or experiences that may weigh us down, our next activity is all about letting go. This exercise involves five simple steps:
Write a list of things we’re grateful for.
Note down the challenges or difficulties we’ve faced.
Write statements of release, such as “I release feelings of resentment towards my GP”.
Say each statement out loud, until we believe it. This may take a few tries!
Physically (and safely) dispose of the statements - by burning, ripping, or even composting them.
This isn’t about erasing feelings, but making a conscious effort to let go of some of their weight. Often we don’t realise quite how much negative feelings might be holding us back or draining our energy.
Activity 3: Five petals of positivity
Up next is the simple but effective Five petals of positivity exercise. Here we will use a flower to focus on the good that’s already in our lives. Here’s how it works:
Draw a simple flower with five petals. Not a fan of drawing? Use our template.
Now we want to write one good thing currently in our life in each petal. This could be hugs with family, time with friends, our favourite food, music, stroking our pet, or sitting in the garden. This helps us to reflect on the good that is there already.
If we’re struggling to think of five things we might find inspiration from other carers.
Now we want to add a leaf to our drawing and write in it a positive change we’d like to bring into our life. This could be more chats with our friends, starting a hobby, creating time for gardening, or finding enjoyable ways to move our body each day.
Once we’ve decided on this positive change, we can think about what we need to do to water the flower and allow that leaf to grow.
This might mean setting boundaries with family or the person we look after, prioritising more time for ourselves, or expanding our caring circle to take some of the pressure off us.
Activity 4: Finding our non-negotiable needs
Next, we dive into working out what our non-negotiable are. The bare minimum we need to maintain our well-being and avoid burnout. Based on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, this exercise encourages us to reflect on what might be missing from our day to day routines.
We can have more of a deep dive into the activity and its benefits, and find a handy template to get us started, here.
Some examples of non-negotiable needs shared by carers in the session included:
A daily walk
Ten minutes of meditation
A quiet cup of coffee
Regular video calls with friends or family
We want to start small, and think about one or two manageable changes that we can really commit to. Our needs can often go neglected. But thinking about what makes a difference to how we feel day to day can give us the push to make time for those often small things. We matter too!
Activity 5: Visualisation exercise
Finally, a simple visualisation exercise designed to boost our mood and motivation. For those of us who haven't tried it before, visualisation is the practice of forming a picture in our mind. This can be done while lying in bed, sitting down somewhere quiet, or even from a parked car.
Visualise waking up and beginning the day.
Imagine a planned activity in detail, focusing on physical sensations and environmental details.
Picture the steps to completing the activity and how it will feel.
End with a moment of relaxation, before bringing ourselves back to the here and now.
Research shows that visualisation can enhance our strength and motivation, even without actual physical exercise. It’s a great way to mentally prepare for challenges or simply to feel that sense of freedom or achievement when we’re really not able to get outdoors.
What’s next?
These simple but powerful activities can make a real difference and help us to realise what is within our control. A bad mood doesn’t have to take over our day. Not being able to get outside doesn’t mean we can’t go for a walk. Often simple changes to our routines can help us feel our own needs are being met too.
Hopefully at least one exercise has resonated with us. But the trick is to remember how it made us feel and to come back to it when we need it. Gratitude, visualisation, self reflection are all muscles that take time to build up. But once they are working and we have a toolkit of activities easily in reach, they can help us to feel much more resilient and content with our lives.
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