Caring for a loved one is one of the most selfless and compassionate roles we can do. Yet, it often comes with challenges that can feel isolating.
Many of us might experience a sense of social detachment, as our responsibilities leave little time or energy for personal connections. That’s why the friendships and connections with people who truly understand us become even more significant.
Whether it’s a friend who lends a listening ear and ‘gets us’ or someone who makes the effort to stay in touch, these relationships provide invaluable support, reminding us that we’re never alone.
In this blog, we celebrate the power of friendship and the special bonds we share with those who truly understand us. We’ll also hear from Rachael, a community member who shares her experience of friendship and what it means to her.
We’ll cover:
Why friendship matters when caring
Strong friendships provide emotional and mental support, acting as a much-needed anchor in an often unpredictable time. Having a trusted friend to talk to can lighten the emotional load, reducing stress and helping us care for longer.
Even a short message of support can provide reassurance on a difficult day.
"Being listened to without feeling judged is huge. it makes everything feel a little less overwhelming."
Whilst friendship tends to go beyond just socialising with someone, it's important to remember that it might look different to everyone and we should be flexible with our understanding of it.
For example, some bonds revolve around deep conversation, people we turn to for emotional support and understanding. Others are built around shared activities, like going for a walk or attending a class together. Both types are valuable, and being flexible in how we define friendship can help us appreciate the different ways people show up for us.
''To me, friendship means caring about another person's wellbeing enough to check in with them and want to spend time with them.''
We might also have friends for different seasons. Some connections might last for years, while others come and go depending on where we are in life. As carers, our circumstances change, and so do our friendships. Rather than seeing this as a loss, we can try to embrace the idea that friends can serve different purposes at different times.
The challenges of maintaining friendships as a carer
Despite the value of friendship, our caring responsibilities can make socialising and meeting friends more difficult than usual for a variety of reasons.
Hosting friends at home can feel impossible when our caring responsibilities transform the space and routines that we once had. Personal care needs, medical equipment, and frequent visits from professionals can make it more daunting to invite people over.
We might also be feeling concerned about protecting the dignity of the person we care for if their condition has worsened, or making guests feel uncomfortable. As a result, we might avoid hosting altogether, leading to an unspoken distance between us and our friends.
On the other hand, our friends might feel unsure of how to navigate such situations. They might hesitate to visit because they don’t know what to expect or how to act around us. This uncertainty can unintentionally create barriers to maintaining our connections.
Friends could also struggle to understand the physical and emotional demands of our role, which leaves us with little energy for anything beyond essential responsibilities. The pressure to build friendships can start to feel like another demand we simply don’t have the capacity for.
The unpredictability of caring means we might sometimes have to cancel plans at the last minute, making it difficult to maintain a steady social life. Some friends may drift away, misinterpreting our lack of availability as disinterest. Over time, these changes can shrink our social circles, leaving us feeling isolated.
Rachael’s story
Rachael, a member of the Mobilise community, shares her experience of friendship and caring.
''My friend and I see each other maybe once a fortnight or less, for walks. In between that, we have video calls, voice notes and texts. These all help to make me feel wanted, and safe. Knowing I have someone to talk to and spend time with gives me hope and happiness.
As a carer, my free time is limited but video calls are more accessible than meeting for coffee. We can plan to have dinner together, or just a hot drink, for an hour at home, while my cared-for sleeps, watches TV or is otherwise occupied. Letting my friend know I may have to disappear without warning helps!
We hold space for each other to rant or cry and acknowledge that the person who is having a tough day is indeed having a tough day. I ask if that person wants to simply be listened to or to have ideas for helping their situation.
Being listened to without feeling judged is huge and having someone with whom I feel safe to express my feelings makes me feel like I matter. I never feel like I am too much. They include me and consider me.''
How to nurture friendships whilst caring
Caring can reshape our friendships in ways we don't always expect. It’s natural to feel hurt when certain bonds fade not because we don’t care, but because our responsibilities leave little time or emotional energy to sustain them. Acknowledging this loss is important, but so is recognising that friendships evolve. Just because a friendship looks different to how it used to, doesn’t mean it has lost its value.
At the same time, friendships don’t always have to be frequent to be meaningful. A friend we rarely see may still think of us often, just as we do them. And sometimes, friendships that fade due to practical reasons can still be rekindled in new ways. A simple message or check-in can open the door to reconnecting on terms that fit where we are now.
And in some cases, the friendship we need to nurture most is the one we’ve lost with the person we care for. The dynamic shifts when a loved one depends on us in new ways, and it’s okay to grieve the changes in that relationship. But in adapting to these changes, we might also find new ways to connect with them.
Some ways we might nurture our friendships when caring include:
Voice notes and messages
A short message or voice note takes seconds to send but can keep conversations going with our friends in an easy-to-do way. A simple message letting someone know that you’re thinking of them is a nice way to open up communication with old friends.
Video calls
Scheduling a video call, even just for ten minutes can provide a sense of closeness to our friends when we're short on time. Free apps like Whatsapp or Skype allow us to quickly connect with others from the comfort of our own homes.
Short walks together
If our friends live locally, we could invite them to join us for a quick walk around the block. Combining both self-care and social time in this way might allow us to break up the day and reconnect with our support network.
Being open about our needs
Being transparent with our friends about our needs (and theirs) can lay strong foundations for our new or existing friendships.
We can start by letting friends know what makes us feel supported. It might be a listening ear when we need to vent or flexibility around meet-up times depending on how busy our schedule is. Communicating these needs allows our friends to understand how they can best support us when we need it the most.
Being honest about availability
When caring, our time is often limited and unpredictable, making it difficult to commit to plans. Letting friends know when and how we're able to connect can help encourage friends to be flexible and understanding when making plans.
Setting expectations and boundaries
It can be helpful to set realistic expectations with our friends. For instance, If we want to invite friends around we might want to explain that we (or they) may need to leave the room to help with care at any moment. Reassuring friends that they are still welcome, even if we can’t host in the same way as before, can also help set expectations so everyone's on the same page.
Being honest about our boundaries is also important. If having visitors at home isn’t comfortable anymore, it’s okay to communicate that and explore other ways to stay connected like video calls that don't apply the same pressure as hosting.
Three ways to build new friendships
If we want help forming new friendships, taking small steps can make the process feel more manageable.
Joining support groups
Whilst it's okay if our friends aren’t carers, connecting with people who truly understand the challenges of caring can be invaluable. Local or online support groups provide a space to share experiences, find encouragement, and build friendships with other carers who just 'get it'.
''It started as just a casual meet up, but we bonded over our caring roles and being supportive of one another - we usually plan our meetings around our caring roles to make it easy.''
If we're looking for a friendly place to chat, we might even want to join a Cuppa - our free virtual meet-up where we can come together for conversation and support.
Connecting with other carers
In the same way that our caring roles may cause us to lose friends, it can also bring us closer to new communities of carers who we might not have met otherwise.
Connecting with others who understand the unique challenges of being a carer can help create a sense of belonging and support. If we’re looking for a supportive community, the Mobilise Hub is a great place to start. Engage with other carers, share experiences, offer advice and build meaningful relationships with other carers in our community.
Finding shared interests
Friendships don’t have to revolve solely around our experience of caring. Engaging in hobbies or interests, even in small ways, can open up opportunities to meet like-minded people.
Whether it’s joining a forum online about something we feel passionate about, joining a book club, attending a local class, or simply chatting with someone who shares a passion, these moments of connection can be refreshing.
A final thought…
Caring can reshape our friendships in ways we can't always anticipate. Some connections may fade, not out of a lack of care, but because life has shifted in ways beyond our control. And while that loss can be painful, it’s also important to remember that friendships change over time.
The friendships that remain, old or new, can offer us strength and comfort in the moments we need them most. Even if a friendship looks different from before, it can still hold meaning. And sometimes, the very act of caring opens doors to unexpected relationships, with other carers who understand our experiences in ways others may not, or even with the person we care for, in new ways.
If we’re feeling disconnected, we’re not alone. There are always opportunities to rebuild, reconnect, and form friendships that fit within our caring journey. Some friendships will persist, others may fade, and new ones will emerge. By accepting this natural cycle, we allow ourselves to grieve what has changed while embracing the possibilities ahead.
For more inspiration on friendships and caring, explore ways to widen our caring circle, take the first steps for getting help and support with our caring roles or find specific support for men.